guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
