I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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