Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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