I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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