I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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