You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
