okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
