Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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