We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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