i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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