she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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