I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
