I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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