I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Randomize
