Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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