my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
