no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
