you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
