I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
