So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass