I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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