Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
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we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
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Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15