What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I can text with my tongue
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
