I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.