my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
