Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
