We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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