I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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