My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
