I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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