I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
