and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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