can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
