Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
