if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
