you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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