i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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