i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
