im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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