She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
