I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
