I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
