Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
