Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
In other news, I just burned my penis
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
