There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
My vagina just clenched in fear
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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