It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
