We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
