yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
