True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
