I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
