I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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