Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
