You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
