are you still at the devil's house?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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