I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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