omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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