apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
