ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
He felt like a one man threesome
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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