my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
