What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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