who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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