all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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