Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
