i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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