I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
