in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
