im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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