I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
