Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Randomize
