Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
