you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
