woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
