What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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