in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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