Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
