Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
