You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
