my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
