Betty ford says i'm here all night
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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