He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
