I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
