Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
