We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Help me help you realize you are a moron
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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