Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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